Wednesday, August 3, 2011

When Bats Attack

No amount of caffeine in the world could wake me up today.

Call it a combination of the never ending heat & lack of sleep, but I'm done for. And the heat is a huge reason we haven't been doing much house related work these days. When we replaced both furnaces (in a panic in the middle of winter, mind you) central AC was the last thing on our minds. We just needed heat & needed it stat! File that decision under what were we thinking!?

But before I get to the gist of my post you should know two things:

1) It's content heavy, light on the photos.
2) We have a bat problem.

There, I said it. It's an awful & gross confession, but for those of you who know us, you're familiar with the stories. If you don't, here's the highlight reel...

Bat number one flew in & out of our lives 2 short months into owning our home. Nothing says 'welcome new tenant' like a bat flying around in her bedroom. The bats went on hiatus the following year, but came back full force in year three. I've lost track, but I'm going to say there were at least 3 to 4 incidences (for the moment, let's just say it was the same bat reeking havoc on our lives...probably not, but let's just go with that theory). Then we called in the pros, who offered to take care of the problem for over $1,200. Um, no thank you. At that price, we'll make nice with the bats or take matters into our own hands with the handy dandy sticky traps they left us (which later proved to be very helpful). The husband later caught a bat on said sticky trap and off it went to the county health department to be tested for rabies. Did I mention the bat had contact with our cat too? Thank goodness for updated vaccinations & the fact that the bat did not, in fact, have rabies. Whew.

And if you're still reading, I'd like to point out that I wish I was making all of this up.

Anyway, we were naive to think that after the roof replacement we'd be free of any bat problems. But we were wrong! Around midnight last night the husband spotted one flying around. Mother of god, are you kidding me? We've crossed the threshold from being scared to just plain 'ol angry, and the husband does the dirty work of getting them out of the house now. Which is really a win-win for everyone, since my version of "helping" was standing around while shouting expletives & listing multiple reasons of why I hate bats. See? Not helpful.

So with the bat finally gone, we had a good (angry) laugh and went to bed around 1:00 a.m. Fast forward to 5:00 a.m. and off goes the smoke detector. What the holy hell, I can tell you I've never been so scared in my life! I bolted out of bed & erratically shuffled around the bedroom (or so the husband says), while shouting "did you hear that?" Well, duh. Of course he did.

After doing a once-over of the entire house & concluding that the thing probably needs new batteries (it beeped only 3 that the universal symbol for needing new batteries?), we went back to bed for the second time. Until I came up with another theory. What if it's a CO2 warning?! Here's a sampling of the conversation that followed:

ME: "what do you think that meant?"
THE HUSBAND: "I don't know" (as if nothing had happened)
ME: "what if it's a CO2 warning?!"
THE HUSBAND: "it could be...but honestly, does your head hurt or do you feel sick?"
ME: "no"
THE HUSBAND: "where do you suppose the CO2 would come from anyway, our furnace hasn't been on in months" (good point)
ME: "well, it's a slow death you know"

So to wrap things up...the husband has gotten really good at bat excevation, neither of us has coherent thoughts at 5:00 a.m., our smoke detector needs new batteries, and I'm really, really tired.

Here's hoping for a better--bat & smoke detector free--night's sleep tonight.


  1. Hilarious! I mean, awful for you both. But hilarious for us readers.

  2. Ahahaha...that's terrible and funny. We have had the occasional bat at the School House where I teach yoga. And of course it is only on the nights I teach. The first time I called and left my boss the most franctic and stupid sounding voice mail ever. And of course they couldn't find a bat. It wasn't until Barb was cleaning the exposed rafters that she put her hand on it a couple weeks later. Creepy.


Blog Design by Get Polished